Parenting Pro-tips

Who am I kidding? I’m far from an expert at the business of parenting. As a type this, my 8 month-old baby is lying on cold, hard tiles trying to jam a steak knife into a power point. Take my “advice” with a grain of salt.

 

  1. Dads, before buying a change table, check its height in relation to your groin (especially if you plan on having a second).
  2. The less it looks like a toy to you, the more it looks like a toy to them.
  3. ALWAYS pack a change of clothes.
  4. Only place high chairs over surfaces that can be hosed down.
  5. Lower the benchmark for what constitutes “clean” in your house.
  6. Presidents of The United States of America songs are a perfectly reasonable substitute for nursery rhymes (except Kitty, don’t play Kitty).
  7. Don’t judge other parents. Ever. It will happen to you.
  8. The phrase “Nah, we don’t need to take the nappy bag” WILL incite the most horrific of nappy blowouts.
  9. Talking to the person in the drive-through now counts as social interaction. Good for you, you social butterfly!
  10. Find the funny side. Life is more fun when you can laugh about it!
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Pelican Feeding

Road Trip!

Emma and I had been discussing the idea of a holiday for a while. In our imagination it seemed like a wonderful idea. Escape Sydney for a few weeks, go somewhere far away from work and housework, and show Hannah a new part of the world.

Before Hannah was born we had romantic notions of returning to Japan – the scene of our honeymoon. These dreams vanished pretty quickly as the logistics of baby wrangling became apparent. We found ourselves unable to go for a walk to the shops without a large stroller, nappy bag, three changes of clothes and a week’s worth of food for Hannah, so there was no way we would be able to fit within the weight restrictions of commercial air travel. Also, the idea of ten long hours on a plane… Instead we promised ourselves that, this time next year, we would be on our way to the Land of the Rising Sun.

Read more “Road Trip!”

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Turns out The Matrix was a documentary

In case you missed it, Billionaire Elon Musk (Tesla, SpaceX, OpenAI, many other extremely cool and wacky ventures) and a few of his mates are (reportedly) throwing millions of dollars at a question that, quite frankly, we as a species have not taken seriously enough – Are we all just characters in a giant, elaborate simulation?

 

This is wonderful news! Frankly, I’ve often felt that there’s something a little unreal about this world. Take, for example, the weird, tar-like substance that can be found in the first soiled nappy. What’s with that? Maybe it’s a sign of a glitch in the code.

Read more “Turns out The Matrix was a documentary”

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The “Mum” Cry and “Dad” Play Theory

I have a theory.

 

More of a thought really.

 

It occurred to me last night. At about 3 am, when most philosophical thought happens in my head. It occurred as Hannah worked her way into a cry because her eczema was making her itch. It occurred the moment I could have sworn Hannah said (yelled out) “muuuuuuum” for the first time.

Mothers, you’ve been conned.

Read more “The “Mum” Cry and “Dad” Play Theory”

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tick checklist

More Interesting Milestones

Previously I talked about milestones and my general dislike of the ways in which they are sometimes viewed. However, there are some significant events in a baby’s life that I believe should be more widely celebrated. So, I have provided this checklist of milestones that I believe you should look out for. There are no set date ranges for these milestones – they happen when they happen. But, when they do, tick them off and celebrate them fully! Fair warning – most of these are based around bodily functions. Read more “More Interesting Milestones”

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